


Boy Crazy (Drives Us Crazy)

by FelineJaye



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Post-Finale, Post-Weirdmageddon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 11:09:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15071921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FelineJaye/pseuds/FelineJaye
Summary: Mabel had a lot of boyfriends over the Summer. Ford missed most of her boy-crazy phase.And then he gets filled in.





	Boy Crazy (Drives Us Crazy)

**Author's Note:**

> It's mostly dialogue I'm sorry.
> 
> This was my attempt at writing a One-Shot (aka. ≈1000wds). This ended up being just under 2000 words. So... Success?

"How in the Universe did you discover that esoteric weakness to gnomes, anyway? Dipper said you had a significant hand in that discovery?"

 

Mabel grinned and then sighed as she collapsed onto Dipper's side. He tried to suppress his smile as he complained and pushed her back into her own seat. She stubbornly remained slouched against him, almost falling out of the webcam (and thus Grunkle Ford's) view.

 

"His name was Norman and he was _gorgeous_."

 

"Mabel, he was five gnomes in a trenchcoat."

 

"It was a **hoodie** and he was **gorgeous** , Dipper!"

 

He rolled his eyes and resigned himself to listening to his sister's biased retelling.

 

"We met at the cemetery - romantic, right? And he asked me out as soon as he set his eyes on me."

 

"One of his set of eyes. Out of the five gnomes."

 

"No interruptions, Dipper! Not half an hour passed before we were dating. We spent the entire day doing fun, couple activities."

 

"And then they turned out to be gnomes."

 

"Well he wasn't a zombie, was he Dipper!"

 

Dipper blushed and faltered under Mabel's admonishments while Ford snapped his fingers from his side of the call.

 

"Oh course! Their Queen must've died while I was away. I had been monitoring the situation but since it was a few decades off I wasn't watching closely. Ah, unfortunate. They decided you were their new queen, then?"

 

"Yeah..." Mabel rubbed her elbow, still uncomfortable with the idea, "And when I tried to turn them down they, ah..."

 

"Tried to kidnap you?"

 

"Yes!" Both twins shouted back to their grunkle,

 

"How did you know?" Dipper pressed.

 

"Like I said I had been... monitoring the situation."

 

"But luckily, this was the same day Dipper found your journal! So he was already **well** paranoid about the whole thing. But when he came to save me they transformed into this... huge... megatron gnome thing?"

 

"And it was only when we got chased all the way back to the Shack that we figured out that we could break up their formation and disorientate them with the leaf-blower!"

 

"Hmm," Ford looked thoughtful, "A very creative solution. Still, I am sorry you had to be in Gravity Falls while the gnomes where Queen-Hunting."

 

"Pfft, it was fine. Not even the worst time I had to reject a boy."

 

"Oh?"

 

"Wait, do you mean-?"

 

The twins said his name in unison: "Gideon Gleeful." and shuddered in one joint motion.

 

"Gideon? Wasn't that he the Star boy on the Zodiac?"

 

"Yeah, but first he was," Mabel sighed, looking almost sad, "He **thought** he was my boyfriend. I just wanted to be friends! But he... wouldn't let it go."

 

She sadly looked off to the side as Dipper put a comforting hand on her back and picked up the story.

 

"He was pushy and manipulated and thought that he was famous and 'cute' enough to get away with anything. Including forcing my sister to do something she didn't want to do. He didn't realise that you don't **mess** with **Pines**."

 

Dipper had a firm look on his face and Stanford found himself giving him a firm nod in response. If any boy thought they could pressure Mabel into anything he'd be more than happy to back up the two younger twins with some... gentle persuasion. If there was one thing that the Summer had taught him it was that family has family's back. Even when that family was  your estranged brother, two niblings you'd never met before, a teenage girl, some kind of giant moleman and a pig.

 

"But..." Dipper gave his sister a look and the pair cringed.

 

"Then we found out that his bolo tie wasn't just for the adorable-factor," Mabel continued, "And was in fact some super deadly telekinesis rock."

 

"Ah."

 

"Yeah, he kinda tried to kill us. But we managed to defeat him."

 

"And then we defeated him again when we kicked Bill out of Grunkle Stan's head that first time!"

 

"Yeah, and when he got that huge robot-!"

 

"Yeah! And you kicked his arse so hard-!"

 

"Only after you did that sick move when-!"

 

"Kids, kids!"

 

The twins turned their beaming grins back to the computer.

 

"So, Gideon isn't a... **problem** anymore?"

 

"Nah," it was Dipper who answered, "We got him to turn Light Side during the whole Weirdmageddon thing."

 

"Yeah, he's been pretty well-behaved since then, actually."

 

"Hrm," Dipper tapped his chin, "Who was after that?"

 

"Baw!" Mabel shouted, giving him a hard shove, "Dipper! How could you forget your **first kiss**!?"

 

Dipper was already completely red by the time his face re-entered the screen.

 

"Mabel! He was not my first kiss. He was _yours_."

 

He folded his arms, frustrated, as Mabel continued to laugh. Ford took it upon himself to try and solve his confusion.

 

"Who exactly was, ah," he left it ambiguous, "Your first kiss?"

 

"Mermando. Oh why did you have to leave me for that manatee queen!!"

 

Mabel shook her fist at the ceiling as Dipper gave her a supportive pat. Seeing her misty-eyed expression, he turned back to Ford and explained.

 

"So a heatwave finally strikes and we go and check out the local pool. Where Mabel promptly falls in love with a boy with long hair and a guitar who will not leave the water. It turns out he was a mermaid."

 

"So we had to save him, obvs." Mabel picked up through minimal tears, "We broke in in the dead of night! Shoved him in a cooler full of water and drove him down to the lake to free him."

 

"..." Ford looked between them, "And how precisely did this result in Dipper's, ah..."

 

" _Notmyfirstkiss!_ "

 

"The cooler started leaking water! Poor Mermando was reverse-drowning just steps from the shore! So Dipper had to give him mouth-to-mouth."

 

She wore a sneaky grin as she teasingly poked Dipper's red cheeks.

 

"After we rolled him into the lake he gave Mabel an **actual** kiss. I thought she was going to pass out!"

 

"Ah ha, ah ha, aw naw~" Mabel giggled and scoffed, batting a hand in feigned embarrassment.

 

Ford for his part had a concerned look aimed at her but merely ended up commenting;

 

"Dipper, write that down, would you? Mermaids don't seem to have the same freshwater/saltwater filtration issue most fish have. Bares a looking into."

 

The boy perked up predictably, scrambling to grab one of the many small notebooks scattered around the table on which their laptop sat. Mabel was ignoring them, an almost painful thinking face on her visage. She let out a disappointed groan;

 

"Argh! Sev'ral Timez, that's right. They were my next boyfriend...s. Gosh, I was a real jerk."

 

"Several times what?"

 

"No - Sev'ral Timez." Dipper clarified, "They were - are? - It's a boy band. You know, all the same brand, basically interchangeable, makes girls go wild over them for no apparent reason?"

 

"Urgh~!" she groaned again, "Candy and Grenda and me loved them. And then I found out they're literally clones and their manager was just treating them terribly so I... Freed them?"

 

"No offence but 'freed' is kinda generous, Mabel."

 

She sighed, "Yeah... I... Kidnapped them." She looked disappointed in herself.

 

"We all promised we wouldn't let the boys get between us but I kept them trapped in my room and tried to make them only like me and I started getting so jealous and- urgh~!" she dragged her hands down her face, "I was a big ole doo-doo-head."

 

"It's okay, you let them go eventually."

 

"Yeah... I wonder how those beautiful boys are going in the wild." she wistfully looked out the window.

 

"So..." Ford ventured, "That was all your, ahem, boyfriends during the Summer?"

 

"Yeah," Dipper answered for his wistful sister, "Basically. I mean, I guess there was Xylar and Craz? But they were **literally** figments of her imagination. Oh, and she asked out **so** many other boys but most of them didn't say yes so... Yeah."

 

"No, _silly_!" Mabel bounced back from her pondering - literally bounced back, crashing into Dipper's side, "There was also Gabe!"

 

"Who?"

 

"The puppet guy?"

 

"Oh, yeah, right. Hence why I wouldn't remember him great."

 

"..Why would you have a difficult time recalling him?" Ford asked in a tense voice.

 

"Because that was when Bipper happened!"

 

"Uh-"

 

"That was when I, uh, accidentally let Bill possess me."

 

Ford pursed his lips, nodding knowing at Dipper's chagrin.

 

" _Anyway_ ," Mabel's boisterous voice cut through their melancholy, "His name was Gabe Benson and he was **all** about sock puppets. And I kinda told him I had a sock puppet show coming up and then I realised he wanted **so** much effort so I was going, ah ha ha, _kinda_ crazy about it. I didn't even realise what was up with Dipper until he possessed one of my puppets and told me!"

 

"Bill is - **was** ," Ford corrected his tense with a vicious glee, "A master manipulator, Mabel. You shouldn't feel bad about not noticing his antics."

 

"Well, she was the key to defeating him in the end, anyway."

 

"Yeah! No one knows my brother like I do! And I know all your weak spots!"

 

Dipper chuckled, a touch nervous, as Mabel turned and waggled her fingers suggestively. The chuckles and nervousness both increased as her fingers wandered closer to his sides and he realised she was actually threatening tickles instead of alluding to them. He backed off to the edge of his chair, ummming and ahhhing until her blurted out;

 

"You even ruined your show for me!"

 

This thoroughly distracted her, much to his relief.

 

"Well duh, bro-bro! Like I would put some dumb dream about Summer love above my twin brother!"

 

She grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him in close, bonking him on the head.

 

"Yeah, well, it was still nice. Though honestly, you should be thanking me for that."

 

Mabel got a distant look and cringed, "Oh yeah, really dodged a bullet there."

 

"And that was all of them?" Ford asked in a terse tone.

 

Mabel snapped back to reality, "Oh yeah, Gabe was the last one, really. Then we got all mixed up with Grunkle Stan's secret and you coming back and protecting the Shack and Weirdmageddon and then Summer was over."

 

"Well. Good."

 

Dipper squinted at him, suspicious of the tone. The the background of Ford's screen, they heard Grunkle Stan give a shout and Ford looked over his shoulder for whatever his brother wanted.

 

"Aw... times up already?"

 

"Sorry Mabel. We'll call again soon."

 

"You better!"

 

"Hey Mabel, I'll close up the computer, okay?"

 

She rolled her eyes at Dipper; "You nerds have your secret talk, whatever."

 

And laughed as she left the room to them. Dipper turned a more serious look to Ford. Ford looked just as seriously back. The older man broke the silence first.

 

"I think I'll pay the gnomes a visit next time we're home."

 

"We convinced them to take Gideon as a queen, but it can't hurt."

 

They shared another silent, tense look.

 

"You'll tell me when she gets another boyfriend, yes?"

 

Dipper nodded.

 

"Look over some spells for me? I'll email them. Just in case she gets another boyfriend."

 

Ford nodded.

 

They shut off the connection, a silent pact made between them. You don't mess with _Pines_ and you absolutely **do not** mess with _Mabel_.

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt:  
> "After Weirdmaggedon Ford spends some time with the twins going over their summer adventures. The subject of Mabel's various paranormal romantic escapades is brought up. Ford's protective instinct kicks in."
> 
> Also I discovered that, for all her 'boy crazy' rep, Mabel is only actually shown having four boyfriends over the Summer. Kinda wow.


End file.
